“At daybreak, Jesus went out to a solitary place. The people were looking for him and when they came to where he was, they tried to keep him from leaving them. But he said, ‘I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent.’” (Luke 4:42–43)

Have you ever struggled with boundaries? I’ve been working on creating boundaries—and sticking with them—for a long time. Somewhere along the way, I picked up the idea that a good Christian is always available when someone needs them. I’m a helper by nature, and when asked to help, I often jump in without thinking things through. This leads to frustration with myself, because I feel taken advantage of, and to exhaustion, because I overextend myself.

I’m a relatively cautious person in other areas of my life (meaning I typically overthink things), so why do I do this? When I’m asked to help, it feels good, so I want to do it. The helper part of me doesn’t want to see someone I care about struggling, especially if I think there’s something I can do to relieve their pain. What I’ve discovered is, I can’t fix things for them, only Jesus can.

A recent scenario involved a friend asking me to intervene with another friend. My first instinct was to step in and help resolve their conflict. And at first, I did, by passing messages between them. Then I realized I was trying to avoid conflict with my friend by doing what they asked, and that had placed me firmly in the middle of someone else’s conflict—not a good place for any of us, but especially not for me. So I told my friend that they would have to go directly to the other person and work it out themselves, and I stepped out of the middle. Unfortunately, this led to the outcome I dreaded—my friend became angry with me and is no longer speaking to me.

We can look to the Bible for examples of how to set and enforce boundaries. Of course, the word boundaries is not in the Bible—it’s a modern term. But there are numerous examples of boundaries in Jesus’s life. When the crowds clamored for his touch and healing, he withdrew to pray: “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16). Many other verses mention Jesus seeking time alone to pray, such as Matthew 14:13, 23; Mark 1:45, 3:13, 6:31-32; Luke 6:12-13, just to name a few. In Mark 3:31–35, Jesus refused to stop preaching when his family tried to interfere, knowing that he was doing his Father’s work. He placed limits on how much he would do in Luke 4:42–43, when he refused to stay in a particular town but moved on to continue sharing healing and the gospel message elsewhere. He also declined to intervene in a family dispute in Luke 12:13–14.

Your struggle with boundaries might look different from mine. Perhaps you have a hard time saying no to volunteer activities or have family members who view your space (or time) as their own. As for me, well, I’m learning to sit in the uncomfortableness that my boundary has created—of wanting a resolution to the conflict, of desiring control that I can’t have, of having someone angry with me.

Boundaries are not made to keep others out, but are for us, to protect us. Creating them, and adhering to them, is a skill—one that Jesus did well, and one that I’m still learning.

Dear Jesus, thank you for your example. You have shown me that boundaries can be good, even healthy, and that you control the outcome. Amen.