He [Jesus] replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. (Matthew 8:26)

Hey, readers! It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post (or anything else), and if you’ve moved on, I understand. But if you’re still here, or if you’ve just stumbled across this post, please know how happy I am to have you.

Around this time last year, I realized that the freelance writing and editing business I’d worked so hard to build was in trouble. I wasn’t bringing in new clients, and my long-term, reliable clients didn’t have much work for me. After eight years of hustling to find work, and almost three years of steady work, I was burned out. As much as I hated to, I knew that I needed to find an alternative source of income not related to writing and editing.

At first, I tried to find a part-time job—one that would allow me to continue doing the editing work that I love full time. When I didn’t have any luck, I applied to substitute at local high schools. With my teaching certification and a scarcity of teachers in Oklahoma, I didn’t have any trouble getting daily work. What I hoped would be a supplement to my editing income soon became my primary income, and I made the tough decision to go back to work full time at the end of October, at a job with benefits, while continuing to edit part time on the side.

I enjoy my job and my coworkers, and I’ve made some good friends at the office, but the transition back to a full-time job that’s not related to editing has been tougher than I thought it would be. For one thing, I’ve had a hard time letting go of the editing business completely.

This has led to an imbalance where I have no time for writing because my energy and creativity are going to other things. I’ve never been good at finding balance. When I do something, I’m all in.

Now, I’m thinking about shuttering the editing business completely, because this may be the only way that I can move forward—by not hanging onto the past. This has opened the door to the grief I was avoiding by continuing to edit part time.

I’ve always struggled with transitions, specifically endings. I don’t think I’m alone in this. Endings are so . . . final. Life comes at us quickly, and things are constantly changing. But big transitions, like the end of a relationship, a job change, or a move, always seem to take me a long time to adjust to. And by “long time,” I mean that it sometimes takes years, and even then, I wonder if I’ve really adjusted or have just finally accepted my new reality. Of course, any acceptance usually happens just in time for things to change yet again.

The one constant through all of these transitions, through all of this change, is Jesus. I know he’s there—even when I don’t feel him close, even when I doubt the path I’m on, even when my faith that things will work out is weak.

Admitting my faith is weak is hard, but there it is. Do you know who else had weak faith? The disciples, the very men who lived with Jesus every day for three years while he walked out his ministry on earth. So I guess I’m in good company.

My prayer is that my faith will be strengthened and to remember that God is there. He has always shown up for me. Always.

Dear Jesus, you told the disciples that if they had faith as small as a mustard seed, then they could move mountains. As the disciples prayed, so I pray too: increase my faith. When I struggle to have faith and trust that things will work out amid all the changes, please bring to my mind all the times you’ve come through for me in the past. Thank you for always being there for