“You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light.” (2 Sam. 22:29)

At this time last year, we were still in the early days of the COVID-19 lockdown. Originally scheduled for three weeks and then extended to six, we believed we would get the virus under control and be back to our normal lives by Easter 2020.

Well, we all know how that turned out.

The pandemic cracked our shell, and light poured in on the darkness we’ve tried to hide: inefficiencies in our health care system, racial injustice, anti-Asian attacks, and political division.

But the light has also revealed good things: people talking to their neighbors for the first time; the young and healthy delivering groceries to the most vulnerable; and the tech savvy helping the elderly sign up for a COVID vaccine.

In the Bible, light is a symbol that reveals spiritual truth. It exposes what the darkness hides.

What has the light of the pandemic showed you about your own life?

For me, it uncovered areas where I’m most afraid—of losing my family, my health, my income.

Before the pandemic, I believed I relied on God to be my provider. After all, as a self-employed woman, I don’t work unless he brings clients my way. My business was unstable before the pandemic and even more so now. When work slowed to a crawl and then dried up for two months, I learned I wasn’t relying on him the way I thought. Anxiety and fear dominated my thoughts, and I lived with a scarcity mindset.

I prayed for wisdom about my business—should I close it and focus on something more stable?

I didn’t hear an answer. Instead, I felt in my spirit I should wait. But waiting prompted more anxiety. How long should I wait? And what should I do while I wait? I’m not good at sitting idly by.

Again, I felt a nudge from God to make good use of my time. I finished my novel (finally!) and sent it to my beta readers. I applied to a Christian editing organization that sends job leads my way. I sought short-term freelance writing work. I volunteered and gave my time to a senior center, local writing groups, and friends needing a listening ear.

When we live in the dark, we can be shocked by the brightness of the light that reveals things we’ve hidden—even things we’ve hidden from ourselves. It took an intentional effort on my part to let go, and I won’t pretend it was easy. It wasn’t, and it’s still not. But each day offers a new opportunity to trust God and rely on his mercies.

Dear Jesus, thank you for shining your light and revealing the hidden parts of me I didn’t want to acknowledge. Help me to trust you anew each day. Amen.