“Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’” (Mk 9:24)

Lately, I’ve been fascinated by the Enneagram, which is a self-assessment to determine personality type. The Enneagram consists of nine distinct personality types, and they interact with each other. In other words, we’re not all one or the other, but a combination. Some of the personality types manifest themselves more obviously than others in our lives. (For a free Enneagram test, click here.)

For instance, I’m a one, the perfectionist. No surprise there. (You can read my recent post about being a perfectionist here.) Traits of the perfectionist include being responsible and working toward self-improvement, which explains the appeal of self-assessments such as the Enneagram. I also have what the Enneagram designers call a two wing. This means I’m a one who also has strong tendencies of a two, the caregiver.

These personality types show up in my life in different ways, but I notice them most when I have to make decisions. Ones want to know all the facts before making a decision. Ones want to make the right, or principled, decision. Ones are sometimes paralyzed and will not make a decision for fear of making the wrong one. Ones sometimes feel regret after a decision is revealed not to be the best for us, and we wish would have trusted ourselves more. Check, check, check, and check.

In addition to this, I also have some of the tendencies of a two, which is to want to make the decision that will be the best for everyone affected. Talk about paralyzing.

Each day, we face hundreds, even thousands of decisions. Decision making doesn’t come easily for me. Unless I can clearly see the right-versus-wrong of a decision, I struggle because I can’t predict the outcome. And let’s be honest here. I can’t see the future, and neither can you.

It comes down to trust. Do I trust that the Lord knows the outcome even if I don’t? Do I trust that even if something turns out differently than I’d planned, he will show me the good that can come from it?

When it comes to doubt, I identify with Thomas of Didymus. What I love so much about Thomas’ story is that Jesus didn’t dismiss his doubts. Instead, he invited Thomas to see for himself those things which Thomas doubted. And Thomas’ response was immediate repentance and belief. I believe that this scene was included in the Bible for people like me – those of us who carry doubt, not because we don’t want to believe, but because we don’t know how. And Jesus meets us where we are and shatters our unbelief.

Dear Jesus, thank you for meeting me in my unbelief and showing me how trustworthy you are. Help me trust you to guide me when making decisions and to leave the outcome with you. Even if things don’t turn out the way that I want, show me the lesson in the outcome. Amen.