“Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.” (Ps 86:11)

For the last couple of years, I’ve read at least one spiritual growth book every month. From revealing insecurities to inspiring change, God has used the words in these books to provide an avenue of personal and spiritual growth for me.

Recently, I read Free of Me: Why Life Is Better When It’s Not about You by Sharon Hodde Miller. This book spoke to me in a powerful way, and I want to deviate from my normal blog format to share what I learned.

In this book, Miller examines how our insecurities show up in various, hidden ways in our lives. We make things about us that aren’t really about us, and this is a manifestation of our insecurities.

Miller describes herself as a teenager and young adult who was a nice Christian girl. She adopted this persona in order to be liked. Because of this need for affirmation, she lost herself somewhere along the way. I recognize her story in my own desire to please others.

In Miller’s descriptions of the way we make things about ourselves – from church to friendship to work to family – I found my own thoughts and actions reflected back to me. God used those descriptions to show me that I’ve placed a burden on myself and on my relationships with others when I make their actions about me. When a friend doesn’t respond to a text or chooses not to keep the appointment we set up, I see it as an indictment of me, and my insecurities rise to the surface.

But it’s not about me at all, and Miller discusses how the weight of this burden is not one we were meant to bear. To turn our focus off ourselves and onto God, Miller suggests the following: praise God, surround ourselves with people from a like-minded Christian community, explore our purpose, and develop our passion.

As I look at my life now, I see how these four areas are currently represented in my life.

• Praise: I’ve learned that as I praise God, whether through prayer, music, or writing, my attention is directed off myself and onto God.
• People: I’m surrounded by a community of strong, Christian women who encourage and support me. These women are intentional about finding ways to help each other grow. A good friend recently created a photo challenge and invited me to join the small group in posting a photo a day of something for which we’re thankful. Even on hard days, actively looking for things for which to be thankful changes my focus from myself and my problems and places it back on God.
• Purpose and passion: As I pursue my purpose and passion through writing, I grow closer to God. Whether I’m writing devotionals, a cozy mystery, or a short story, the process of writing includes prayer so that I can discern what God wants me to write. As long as I keep my focus on him, he can use my writing ability to point others to him.

My focus should be on God, who is the author and perfecter of my faith (Heb 12:2). God has shown me areas I need to improve, and he has shown me how to grow. My flaws can be used for his glory, but I have to take my eyes off myself long enough for him to work. I’m thankful for authors such as Sharon Hodde Miller, who shared her experiences and wisdom so that others can grow. If you struggle with insecurity, too, check out Miller’s book.

Dear Jesus, thank you for authors such as Miller who allow themselves to be used by you. Thank you for speaking through her. Help me to heed your voice and recognize that you have freed me from the burden of my insecurities. Show me how to focus on you through praise, community, purpose, and passion. Amen.