Author’s note: Since this month’s blog posts will coincide with the four Sundays in Advent, the theme of each blog post will have the same theme as that week in Advent. The theme for the first Sunday in Advent is hope, the second is love, the third is joy, and the final one is peace.

“…the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” (Ps 147:11)

I look forward to Christmas with great anticipation each year. I enjoy everything about the season: the lights, the music, the baking, the gifts, the cards, the Hallmark movies…and the list goes on. As a child, I looked forward to opening gifts so much that I talked my mom into letting my brother and me open a gift on Christmas Eve once or twice.

As an adult, there have been years when I dreaded the holiday season. The year my grandma and father-in-law both passed away was particularly difficult. But nothing could have prepared me for the feelings of grief and loss that tainted my love for the holiday for several years after my divorce. For a while, I lost hope that things would ever be better.

Hope can be hard to find at the holidays. If you’ve experienced a loss, then you know how much more strongly you feel it this time of year. Emotions are magnified, whether good or bad. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a relationship, a job, or your health, you’ll notice that grief hits you at the oddest times, usually when you’re doing an ordinary task.

How can we make it through the holidays without losing hope? The pat, Christian answer is to focus on Jesus, but what are some practical ways to do that with our busy schedules and feelings that threaten to drown us?

I’m not an expert on grief, but I can tell you some of the things I did to reclaim my hope and find joy, both during the Christmas season and the rest of the year.

1. Let yourself feel. Grief is part of the healing process, and in order to heal, you have to let yourself feel the pain. For a long time, I tried to avoid feeling the sadness that comes after a loss. I buried myself in work and church activities, but in spite of my busy schedule, loneliness was my constant companion. It was only when I took a step back and acknowledged how I felt that I was finally able to begin moving forward.
2. Plan ahead. One of the things I learned was that there were many things I couldn’t control, so I wanted to control the ones I could. That meant planning ahead for where I would go and when I would get there. I also decided on traditions I wanted to keep and ones I wanted to change. Once I realized this, I felt a certain freedom – I was no longer tied to traditions that had become an obligation rather than fun. I could make the Christmas season what I wanted it be. For example, one of the things that I let go of was decorating my house and the outdoors all in one day. Doing so much at once always gave me a migraine which lasted for several days. I finally realized that I could take as much time as I needed to decorate and leave things up as long as I wanted. Now, I put my Christmas tree up one day and the rest of the decorations up another day. Sometimes, I don’t even decorate outside anymore.
3. Surround yourself with community. You don’t have to attend every function to which you’re invited, but it is important not to isolate yourself. I still have a tendency to retreat when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m a work in progress, but I’m learning to schedule down time to take care of myself. I lean on my community and let them help me, and in return, I’m able to support them when they need it.

Today, I once again look forward to the Christmas season with great anticipation. I know there will be losses in the future, but I pray the lessons I’ve learned will stay with me. No matter what the future holds or how deep the grief I feel, I know that Jesus walks beside me through it all. I have hope at Christmas and all year long because of him.

Dear Jesus, thank you for the Christmas season and the reminder to place our hope in you. I pray for those facing the holiday season after a loss. I pray for strength and for those people to find their hope in you once again. Amen.